I’m not happy, but I’m not sad either.

It’s been so long since I’ve published anything on here, but I need somewhere to let my feelings out and write, whether anyone reads this or not it’s going to help me. 

Theoretically I should be happy and content with everything, I have sufficient grades, the best group of friends, the most amazing boyfriend and so much exciting stuff impending, but I’m just not. Recently I have become so demotivated, with school work in particular but also just my general outlook on everything. Constantly questioning, and thinking what’s the point? I have this constant feeling of upset and worry that won’t go away, it’s always imminent and always reminding me it’s there. 
The same thing happened a couple of years ago, I finally got out of a really dark place and my concern is I’m going back there. Obviously there are times when I’m laughing with my friends or occupied when momentarily everything is perfect, but then it comes back. I don’t know who to turn to for help, not wanting to worry my mum further. 

It’s hard to put into words the way I feel, it’s almost as though somehow my brain curates the way I think in a negatvige way, blocking out anything positive. And anything positive which does arise, gets twisted and put in a negative light, perhaps for instance thinking about the worst possible outcome of something and thus worrying myself. I worry a lot, stress too. I put myself under too much pressure to achieve, I’m my own worst critic, and that’s what’s so frustrating is the extent of stress and worry I feel is so self inflicted. But I can’t stop it, and when I don’t live up to my ridiculously high expectations I feel horrendous and doubt myself. 

I don’t really know where I’m going with this I just kind of needed to blurt out evething in my head, to feel as though I’ve spoke to someone, that’s all for now. 

My Goals Of 2016

Hello again, so this blog is going to consist of my goals for 2016, making it a place to look back on and see what i  have accomplished in a years time . I personally think that many people set goals that are way out of reach and are perhaps not possible considering their lifestyle; from previous experience the majority of us do not reach our goals. As 2015 is coming to an end i have took it upon myself to write some resolutions that can be easily conquered with the right amount of dedication and commitment. 

---

1)  My first goal is most definitely my main goal, although within this year I’ve  experienced so many wonderful things, for the most part of the year i have not been very happy with myself or the way i have been thinking. I am perhaps what you would call a pessimist as i tend to see the worst aspect of things and believe that the worst will happen. I have established that this is not a good way to think and i am prepared to do whatever i can to change it, therefore my first goal of 2016 is to be happy. Genuinely, intensely and consistently happy.

---

 

2) My next goal is a difficult one but is possible with a large amount of effort. Last January i decided to start the gym and do consistent sessions there, as i also have to attend school this became hard, however i stuck to my task and began attending the gym five times a week in the hope of improving my body. Although in the fitness area i was putting effort in massively, i let myself down with my diet, constantly snacking and eating foods that were unnecessary. Because of this my body did not improve and began to deteriorate getting worse despite all the hours of exercise i had been putting in. Due to the fact that snacking is the reason i did not see an improvement; i am going to try and cut it out of my diet during 2016 meaning i will hopefully see a positive change from doing so. 

---

 

3) My third goal is most likely one that many people have, to concentrate and pay full attention at school. I have now begun my GCSE courses and have realised how important it is to focus in school, it will benefit my overal attitude to learning and also my grades which will affect the rest of my life. You only get one chance at school therefore you might aswell try to the best of your ability and leave with the best grades possible. Furthermore there are so many less fortunate people in the world who do not get the opportunity to have an education, we should not take it for granted. 

Welcome

Hey guys, so the purpose of this blog is to give myself a place to log my thoughts, express my opinions and overall just have a place to write, hopefully in a positive way. The idea of having a blog has always appealed to me and i am so happy to have finally got round in doing so. I hope to one day become a place where you can come to learn, be inspired and most of all enjoy reading what i publish. Bye for now -K